Why Is No PMO So Hard?
Why is no PMO so hard?
That's what many people are asking and here's the answer presented in a simplistic way…
No PMO is hard because, for years you have been programming your brain to act out (which means PMO'ing) after presented with a trigger. Trigger – acting out – trigger – acting out etc. So, now you have a relapsing “software” in your brain that activates when presented with a trigger. That software has been further cemented by the “reward”, which in this case is when you climax.
Why It Is Very Difficult To Break a PMO Habit
But Not Impossible
Every habit is formed by a habit cycle that looks kind of like this…
- Trigger (this is something that reminds you of fapping to adult sites).
- Prediction (you get a short intense sense or feeling of how good it is going to be).
- Routine (this is you acting out your habit or addiction).
- The reward (the feel good “goal” you are chasing. For an alcoholic it is the buzz, for a PMO addict it is the climax after having chased the “perfect pixel queen).
These four steps have literally formed a relapsing “software” in your brain.
The relapsing autopilot…
…and the important trigger…
The relapsing software often activates after you are presented to a trigger. A trigger could for example be a twerking video on YouTube or a hot fitness model on Instagram.
A trigger is basically something that remind you of your fapping sessions.
This means a trigger can even be a certain place, for example you bringing your laptop into your room and close the door. Or it could even be a feeling, such as loneliness. Whatever have preceded your fapping sessions for years up until now has become a trigger for your relapsing software.
Let me ask you this; have you ever felt like things just happen on their own during a relapse, and that you are not in control?
Well, this my friends is what I call the “autopilot” and it is a very typical part of an addiction or a strong habit. Once the trigger activates your software, it is like YOU are leaving the driving seat and an invisible force takes over.
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High dopamine levels further cement the habit…
During the “acting out” phase, your dopamine levels are also very high, which cause your brain to form something called “sensitized pathways”. This basically means “a super memory of pleasure”, which is also why step 2 in the habit cycle, the “prediction” can be very strong.
In other words…
…you get very strong cravings or urges, that become almost impossible to ignore.
These sensitized pathways can linger in the brain for many years after a person quit an addictive behavior and this is also why relapses can happen pretty much anytime, even months to even years after quitting.
On top of all this we have our natural, sexual, urges that can be strong enough on their own, even if we don't take the sensitized pathways into account, so yeah, this is why No PMO is so hard.
It is still not impossible, though, and if you approach it with the right mindset it is very possible to overcome this nasty habit.
How To Make No PMO Easier
Now, don't get discouraged by the fact that no PMO is difficult.
It is very possible to stop the PMO habit once and for all and let's take a look at a few things that you should do in order to make it easier for you.
You might want to bookmark this page and come back to it several times because the following tips are things that could make all the difference between you constantly relapsing somewhere around day 6, or making it to day 90, with a smile on your face.
Don't get me wrong though, it will still mean effort, because nothing worth achieving in life comes easy.
By the way, if you are seriously addicted and need help, feel free to reach out to me. I do offer 1 on 1 coaching. Just click here to go to the contact page.
Grab a cup of coffee and let's take a look at few helpful No PMO tips…
Step 1) Get A Reboot Journal
If you don't have a reboot journal, you should get one ASASP, because you will have to do a lot of writing in order to overcome this. I recommend an old fashioned, good looking classy journal like the one you can see here on Amazon, because it will actually help you take your rebooting more seriously.
Now, of course you don't have to get a real journal, if you don't feel like it, just any notebook will do, but you have to have something to write in during your reboot. Something that we from now on are going to refer to as your “rebooting journal”.
It really is a must!
Step 2) Know Your “Why” And Your “Why Not”!
You must also know why you want to live a No PMO lifestyle in the first place.
This too is an absolute must!
So, on the very first page in your reboot journal you should write down what your life could look like 3 years from now if you stop…
….this is your “why”.
Then you should also write down what you life could look like three years from now, if things get worse. In other words, why you should not keep fapping…
…this is your “why not”.
Now, writing it down is not enough. You need to reread and remind yourself of your “why” and of your “why not” on a daily basis, for at least 90 days.
This is because, in the heat of the moment, we tend to forget. At least we forget the strong emotion associated with our why and our why not and the core meaning of it…
…so, again, make a daily habit out of reminding yourself of your “why” and your “why not”.
Step 3) Know Your Triggers
The next thing you want to do is to identify all of your triggers.
Write all of them down in your rebooting journal, all you can think of. This is something you should then reread about once a week so they stay fresh in your mind.
You need to know your triggers in order to do step 4 and step 5.
Step 4) Become Super Aware
Whenever you are hit by a trigger you always have a few seconds of space between the trigger and the relapse.
It is exactly in this space they key to your freedom lies, however, only if you become super aware of when a trigger is about to activate your relapsing software, you know, the “autopilot” that we talked about in the beginning of this article.
This is why you need to write down all of your triggers, and read them several times, because by doing so it is so much easier for you to become super aware of exactly that moment when they hit you and are about to activate your “relapsing software”.
It may sound strange, but the fact is that most people do not even notice when it happens, and so, of course that makes them chanceless in the battle against the PMO demon.
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During the next days, make a commitment to yourself to really try to stay on guard and stay aware. It takes a bit of practice, but within just a couple of weeks you'll get much better at it.
Then when you notice the trigger and the urge to act out, and you are in that “few seconds of space”, or “window of opportunity” you should do step number 5…
Step 5) Have a Replacement Activity And Surf Your Urges
While you are in that window of opportunity you should surf the urges.
If you do not know how to surf, then take a look at this video right here to understand the concept of it…
You can't fight the urges!
- Go for a walk
- Go for a drive
- Do one round of Wim Hof breathing
- Do 20 pushups
…or whatever you want, just as long as it is something you do AWAY from your phone or your computer.
Build up your surfing “power”
Now, as you progress and get better at surfing the urges your replacement activity will eventually not be needed, but in the beginning of your reboot, you won't be able to surf that many urges before you cave in and the relapse slams its claws in you.
This is why I recommend you build up slowly by for example structuring your reboot like this…
- First week: You notice an urge – you start surfing the urge while you leave your phone or computer and do your replacement activity.
- Second week: You notice an urge – you surf until the urge goes away. If the urge comes back, start surfing again while you go do your replacement activity. Also, if the urge does not go away the first time, go do your replacement activity.
- Third week: You notice an urge – you surf until the urge goes away. If another urge arises you surf that urge as well until it goes away. When the third urge comes, start surfing again while you go do your replacement activity.
- Fourth week: Increase to surfing 3 urges before resorting to the replacement activity
- Fifth week: etc. Keep building up the amount of urges you are capable of surfing away like this.
As you can see, this is a skill and as any skill you build it up over time.
With time you will become so good at surfing the urges, that your replacement activity is no longer needed…
…that, is your end goal and once you're there, you are free.
This is how you build your rebooting skills.
If you need me to guide you through this then click here to go to my coaching page and I'll get you up and running.
P.S. For more helpful stuff about these kinds of things, click here to check out my YouTube channel, project stronger self. It's filled with helpful videos on NoFap, biohacking and smart self-improvement strategies.
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Why is No PMO So Hard
So there you have it. No PMO is not easy, in fact it is very hard and the reason for that is that we are dealing with one of the most powerful forces in biology, “your sexuality” which obviously activates very strong, primal urges, to get you to act.
The problem is that in today's world most young men “act” wrongly, and instead of going out and finding a real girlfriend , they gather a whole harem in their living room, in form of pixels on a screen.
On top of that primal urge, many guys have developed real addiction related brain changes from years of fapping to adult sites and that addiction puts them on autopilot as soon as a trigger hits.
Addictions are never easy to get out of. I mean…
…that's kind of why they are called addictions and that's why No PMO is so hard.
However, with time and effort you can absolutely get out of this nasty habit.
If I could do it, so can you!
Thanks for reading.
Related post: PMO addiction symptoms