Why Does Watching Porn Make Me Feel Lonely?

As a guy who have studied these kinds of things for 10 years by now, and as a guy who has helped hundreds of men get a grip on their porn use, there are mainly two things I want to zoom in on here..

Why does watching porn make me feel lonely?…

1) Sexual validation is the strongest validation we can get…

Is there any more direct indicator that you need to change than if you can't find anyone who wants to be intimate with you…

…brutal as it is?

In a way, that's almost the ultimate rejection.

And then when you sit there watching other men do things you yourself would like to do, with women whom you feel you could never get, well of course that's going to make you feel like an “outsider”…

…and lonely as hell.

2) You already feel lonely to begin with, and watching porn is merely an escape mechanism you use to try to cope with your loneliness…

There is one big common denominator among guys who watch porn…

…many of them feel lonely to being with and are merely using porn as a coping mechanism, only to feel even more lonely by consuming it.

It can really be a double whammy.

This does not apply to all porn users, of course, but it ‘s way more common than you would think.

And here's the deal…

Most of them aren't even aware that loneliness is driving them to porn.

They think they watch porn because they're either…

1. Horny
2. Bored

…now, sure, sometimes that's the case as well, let's not deny the obvious here, but you'd be surprised to know have many porn addicts actually relapse because they deep down are longing for connection.

We are starting to see this more and more and we now know this to be the case.

So, how do we know that loneliness is such a big factor?

The Loneliness Factor is Revealed By Guys Who Are Overcoming Their Porn Addiction…

For example, in Dopamine Discipline (a first-rate online course for overcoming porn addiction) they attack every possible angle in order to help the costumer quit for good. And I have personally checked that course out enough times by now in order to comfortably be able to say that…

…one of the the most common issues the therapists in the course see in most guys is this core loneliness, driving the guys to spend countless of hours getting lost in the world of online pornography.

An inner need is screeming…

This black empty void, that so many men are walking around with in their chest. Many are, often without even knowing it themselves, longing for connection to such degree that they escape into low value dopamine driven activities e.g. junk food, alcohol, drugs or porn.

This online course is structured in a way so that it pinpoints what core need the costumer is trying to fill with he's porn use. Once that is done he is instantly also a lot closer to getting free from his porn use for good (should he so desire).

When they fix that empty hole, they're free…

As the course also includes coaching calls with professional therapists, they come up with an alternative, a more healthy way, for the guys to fill that need. When this is done it becomes pretty easy to never go back to porn again…

….even if the client has been heavily addicted for 15, 20, 25 years, or even longer.

That's just one of the reason we know loneliness is such a big driver of porn use.

I've seen it myself, as well, with my 1 on 1 coaching clients.

Should You Stop Watching Porn Because It's Aggravating Feelings Of Loneliness Then?

Well, as a former porn addict myself I have to say, that would be a very good idea, yes.

Now, I know many of you who are new to that idea are going to go… “Hell no, I can't do that! It's the only sexual outlet I have in my life”…

…and, hey, I hear you!

How about you conduct a little experiment?

What if you were to try to go 90 days without watching any porn at all?

Just as an experiment and not with the intention of never using it again…

…God forbid 🙂

If You Try To Take a Break From Porn, One Of These 3 Things Will Happen…

If you decide to give this experiment a go, one of the following three things are likely to happen.

Not right away as, like with everything in life, it takes some time to see things…

…but soon enough…

1. You'll start feeling a lot more attracted to real life people…
   …and you'll get a strong intrinsic drive to approach and spend time with them. A drive so strong that it might overpower any social anxiety you might be suffering from – often resulting in guys ending up with a girlfriend, partner or several ‘real life' sexual encounters.
2. You go without porn for 90 days and notice… not that much of a difference…
   …at most you might perhaps notice a bit more energy and drive, but you don't really see how all this talk about quitting porn makes that much sense.
3. You try to take a break from porn, but to your surprise you find it very difficult…
   …and you keep relapsing, going back to it, again and again. Even days when you feel absolutely certain that you will make it to 90 days without porn, you…still…relapse! This is when it hits you that porn addiction is truly a thing and that you seem to be suffering fro it.

The first category…

If you give it a try and you find yourself belonging to the first category, I can only congratulate you. You discovered something truly life-changing and I assume this makes you want to stick to the new way of living continuously. I.e. your new lifestyle is from here on out is about you using your sexuality for real life people instead of pixels on a screen.

To your delight, I can also inform you that giving up porn can improve the dopamine system in the brain to the point of other interesting benefits become apparent as well.

Things like…

• Increased energy and drive
• Increased focus and attention
• Increased short term memory
• Stronger libido
• Harder erections
• Increased confidence

…all of those are indeed highly related to a well functioning dopamine system and something thousands and thousands of guys have started seeing after they embarked on their ‘no-porn mission'.

Now, just in case you're sceptical about this, I can shortly say…

…it's nothing mysterious about it at all. It has to do with you stopping porn from desensitizing your reward system.

If you would like to know a bit more about the science behind dopamine and quitting porn, then take a look at the video below, where I give a pretty detailed explanation about the neuroscience behind it all.

If you found the video informative, consider checking out my YouTube channel here. 

Let's move on to the other categories…

The second category…

Believe it or not, but this is actually the least likely scenario. Most of the guys who feel lonely when watching porn will see pretty big life-improvements when giving it up.

That said, should you really find yourself in this category, and you're now furious for wasting all this time (wow – 90 days without porn), then hey, you can always go back and make up for all the missed sessions, right?

The third category…

It saddens me greatly to say that…

…out of those who find themselves lonely when watching porn, most who try to quit will find themselves belonging to this category.

So, what does this mean?

Well, it either means that you are not that good at controlling your urges, but it's probably more likely that you have developed real addiction related brain changes.

If you want to find out if you have a true porn addiction you can take a look at the post 10 signs you're addicted to porn

You can >>Download<< my Quit Porn Guide for FREE right now!

What should I do if I'm addicted?

First of all, as I said just a few paragraphs above, know that you're not alone!

Millions of men, from all over the world, have developed at least some form of addiction related brain changes from spending years and years in front of their laptop (or their phone), fapping to porn.

So, you are definitely not alone!

Your first mission is naturally going to be to try giving it up, and while it is possible to do so without help, I highly recommend you seek out support and help in one or even several forms.

For example, I personally managed to give it up without seeking help, but it took me 7 years trying, with hundreds of relapses, before I finally managed to kick my addiction. So, again, I definitely recommend you getting some help.

Allow me to present some resources for you…

• Project Stronger Self…
  (This is my own YouTube channel where you can find lots and lots of free videos with tools and tricks on how to quit. Consider subscribing to it).
• Habit Construction Therapy…
  (This is an online service especially designed for med who want to quit porn. Designed by one of the world's leading experts when it comes to porn addiction. Probably the best help you can find online if you're really struggling to quit).
• CovenantEyes…
  (This is the best porn blocker and accountability software currently available out there).
• 1 on 1 coaching…
  (I will probably not continue to do so forever, but at the time of writing this article I do offer 1 on 1 coaching sessions myself. I don't really like self promotion inside of my articles, but since I listed other options as well, I guess I'm okay with it.)