PIED Recovery With Girlfriend
Tips And Tricks
In this article we are going to talk about rebooting with a girlfriend.
More specifically how to fix PIED while being in a relationship or seeing someone regularly.
The article is written from my own perspective as well as from what I have heard others go through after having had hundreds of PMO addiction coaching sessions. (You can click here to find my coaching page)
As it took me years to overcome my own addiction, I have quite a lot of experience with both dating, as well as being in a steady relationship, during my own reboot.
At the time of writing this article I have been almost 10 years in the PMO reboot community. The first 6 and a half as someone who struggled to overcome his own addiction. Finally succeeded. And now the last 3 years as someone who is helping others.
So I really hope you'll find some of the tips I'm about to share useful.
I will also try to answer frequently asked questions as we go along.
What Needs To Happen in Order To Fix PIED
As you perhaps already know, PIED is caused by a combination of desensitization of your reward system and sexual conditioning. I.e. you have been fapping to porn for so long that you have conditioned your sexual responses to become more turned on by pixels on a screen than by real life people.
So, the protocol when it comes to fixing PIED contains of two important steps…
- Unhooking from porn.
- Rewiring your sexual responses away from pixels on a screen towards real life people.
I you want more in depth detail on this, see related article: How to fix PIED
Fixing PIED With Your Girlfriend
Can You Have Sex During Reboot?
Yes, you can absolutely have sex during your reboot. Know that, even if you were to fail your first attempts, that doesn't necessarily mean you'll have to way another 30-60 days before trying again.
However, there are some general rules that I would like to share with you.
Actually, I don't like to use the word “rules” as this is not a PIED recovery with girlfriend system, or anything like that.
Also, everyone is unique, so what works for one might not be the best for another etc.
However there are some general, let's call them “guidelines” instead, that seem to be applicable to most people.
Some general guidelines for sex during reboot…
So, again, you can indeed go for sex during your reboot and if you happen to fail, you can try again withing just a week or so, just as long as you follow these guidelines…
- It should never be forced.
- You can try going for sex, even if the erection is not of full strength. As long as the erection is hard enough for penetration and as long as it's achieved as a response of being close to your parter.
- However, if you have to use hand stimulation, with some good old “death grip”, just to get hard enough for penetration, skip the sex for now. If that's the case, you're not ready for it yet.
- Also, if you have to use porn during or prior to making to your love making session in order to “get you going” you're not ready for sex yet.
- The same goes if you have to fantasize about porn or someone, or something, else in order to be able to maintain or achieve a strong enough penetration, you're not ready for sex yet. Just being with your partner should be enough stimuli.
- Avoid or reduce the number of ejaculations during sex for your first 30-120 days (the big range is because it's different for everyone, so you simply have to be flexible and monitor your progress…more on this further down in the post).
Related post: NoFap is the perfect death grip cure.
What else must I avoid when trying to fix my PIED?
Well the number one thing is of course to avoid porn or any porn substitutes.
By substitutes, I'm talking about artificial things you use in way that you try to draw sexual pleasure from them.
For example scrolling from picture to picture on Instagram, checking out a fitness model. Booty shaking videos on YouTube etc. When in doubt just think: real life people = yes. Pixels on a screen = no.
For more info on what to avoid during reboot, check out this video I made on my YouTube channel a while ago.
If you found my videos useful, consider checking out my YouTube channel here.
Trying to have sex during your reboot can be very scary…
First, because porn has massed you up and you are suffering from mild or a more severe form of PIED (or at least you have been). So chances of failure are high. Naturally this can also create some additional performance anxiety.
Second, because we are often scare to do something wrong, in terms of rebooting. Something that would prevent us from recovering from PIED. Or worse yet, set us back further.
Well, as long as you follow the guidelines above, you should be safe. But we are going to take a deeper dive in to some of them during this article, so make sure to stay with me here.
Should I Tell My Girl friend About Me Trying To Recover From Porn Use?
Of course this is up to you. But I highly recommend it.
Why?
Well, first because rebooting is hard enough on it's own and if you have your partner on your side, supporting you, it will be so much easier for you.
That way you don't have to try to come up with excuses why you do “this and that” and avoid other things etc.
What if she breaks up with me?
I know that telling your partner can be extremely scary…
…”what if she freaks out and breaks up with me?”
Well, yes, there is always that possibility.
However, you got to ask yourself, do you really want a partner who is not able to support you if you happen to go through some rough periods in lif?
So, in a sense, it could be a good “test”. Sure, I agree it can be quite a heavy load to throw on her in the very beginning, and I don't think you should do it on your very first date. But still, sooner rather than later… you'll feel so much better!
Now, obviously she will most likely be upset, and perhaps rightfully so, but let's hope she doesn't break up with you.
One thing is for sure though: PIED recovery with girlfriend on your side = a lott less headache.
It can also be good for her, as it can really take a toll on her self-esteem if she somehow gets the idea that you're not attracted enough to her. And you therefore are struggling to achieve a full erection.
The dreaded condom…
Condoms can be absolutely dreadful if you have performance anxiety or mild PIED.
Trying to get those bloody things rolled on to the partially erect penis, while at the same fumbling to do it super fast before your penis goes soft is…well…needless to say, it can be very stressful!
The only advice I can give here is
- Tell your partner about your issues to help take away the stress (another reason to tell her about your reboot).
- Here I personally found erection and libido supplements of immense value (more on those further down).
Tips for penetration…
If you have mild PIED and suffer from sluggish erections and you and your partner are a bit nervous, then I highly recommend prolonging the foreplay.
Kiss and cuddle A LOT.
Also, go down on her before penetration!
This is good for several reasons…
- It helps both of you relax.
- It takes at least bit of pressure off of you, since you already pleased here.
- By going down on her she becomes much wetter and more open, making penetration easier. Especially if your erection is a bit sluggish. (You can even use a bit extra “added” saliva while you're down there to really ensure good “lubrication” if you feel like it…trust me, it works).
- Here too I found erection and libido supplements to be helpful.
What About ED Pills / Libido Supplements During Reboot? Bad or Good?
Yes, you can use them…
You can use them if you feel they help, but always remember that they are to be considered helpful tools only and that rebooting is, and should always be, your number one priority.
In my opinion, there's nothing wrong with using some extra help to get the ball rolling in the beginning, just as long as you don't get the idea that they are a cure. Rebooting is and will always be the only real cure for PIED.
Some lean a bit more against them…
Now, there are some coaches out on YouTube leaning a bit towards recommending against libido supplements, with the caveat “you do not need them in order to recover” or “if you have to use them, you're not ready for sex”.
Now I fully respect and love the coaches I'm thinking of here, and they do a wonderful work. I most certainly agree with the first one, “you do not need them in order to recover”. Because it's true, you don't need them in order to recover.
In fact I often tell my reader that supplements are to be considered helpful tools only and never a substitute for rebooting. Rebooting is and should always be the number one priority and everything else.
However, there's nothing wrong with “bio hacking”…
However, what those coahces might not be thinking of is the fact that libido pills do not “rewire” your sexuality in any way. Nor do they desensitize your reward system…
…this means they can probably not hurt your reboot either.
All they do is stimulate your sexual centre in your brain while simultaneously increasing blood flow to your nether regions. Sometimes they also boost testosterone a bit. That's it. But even so, they can be of great help.
It's just boosting things that are already there. Kind of like how millions of people use coffee in the morning to help wake them up…
…but then again, there are proponents against coffee as well, just as there are with everything in life.
Supplements may help when guys seem to be stuck in a long flatline…
I have seen many guys being stuck in a very long flatline and then with the help of rewiring and a libido supplement combined gotten their libido back within just 1-3 weeks.
Now, that doesn't happen for everyone, but I have seen it often enough so I know it can be used to help “kickstart” the libido.
Then once it's up an roaring, they can dial back on the supplements if they want to.
Supplements may help to get the ball rolling…
Libido supplement may also be helpful with giving you a bit harder erections so you can rewire your sexuality back to real life people with a bit more confidence and thus get the ball rolling.
Granted, this depends on how severe your PIED is. There are guys who have such a severe case of PIED that no amount of ED drugs or libido supplements seem to help.
In addition, as everyone is different keep in mind that what works for one, may not work as well for another.
Can supplements even speed up recovery?
Maybe, but don't count on it.
Remember, rebooting is the real cure.
However, anything that can help you rewire can potentially also help speed up your recovery as well.
Why?
Well, because rewiring is a big part of fixing PIED. And if the fear of you going soft prevents you from being close to a real life person, then that fear will definitely hold you back.
Generally speaking, the more rewiring the better and faster the recovery.
That said, keep in mind that rewiring does also take place to some degree, even with just kissing and cuddling.
What kind of supplements works best?
Well, personally I tried everything I could get my hands on. Most of them didn't do anything for me at all, but I actually found two that were helpful.
One of them is called AlphaViril and it's the one I recommend most often. I recommend it since it really seems to give the strongest erection and libido boost for those who are ready to start rewiring.
It actually worked surprisingly well for me back when I was rebooting myself. In fact, for me, it worked better than real ED drugs.
If interested you can click here to read other real user reviews over at the vendor page.
A word of warning…don't use supplements if…
If you're really deep into a flatline and you have absolutely zero desire for sex, and you are in the beginning of your reboot, I'd say it's best for you to give let everything rest for now. Don't try to force anything and leave the supplements alone for now.
You should however still keep kissing and cuddling with your partner. In addition to the normal health benefits of connection that will serve two purposes…
- It helps with the rewiring process.
- You will notice if you libido is staring to wake up.
Then when you start noticing something like, “hey, now there seems to be at least some form of life”, then you can try using supplements if you like to try to go for sex. And then AlphaViril could potentially really boost things up.
What About Ejaculation When Wanting To Recover With A Girlfriend?
You might want to take it slow with the ejaculations in the beginning of your reboot.
As a rule of thumb, most guys seem to recover faster if they stay away from ejaculations for the first couple of months.
Now, don't freak out if you happen to cum when trying to rewire. It's not like it's going to put you back in your recovery, but it may prolong the recovery process a bit.
How long must I avoid ejaculations?
Again, it's your life and your rules, so it's not like you have to stay away from them. Also, there are plenty of guys who have recovered despite normal ejaculation. But since a majority of guys seem to recover faster if they cut them out for a while, you might want to consider it.
- Try to stay away from ejaculations for about 60-120 days.
- Be flexible. If you do “bust”, then monitor how you feel and function the days and weeks after the ejaculation, in order to figure out how to move forward.
Introduce them slowly…
When you start introducing ejaculations again you do so by slowly starting to add them in. Don't go nuts (see what I did there) and suddenly go from zero to 15 in a week.
Be flexible and monitor your progress…
For example, after 90 days abstinence or slow ejaculation-free sex, try an ejaculation one weekend and see how it affects your libido. If there is a slight change in libido, either an increase or a slight decrease, a few days after, don't panic. You can probably try another orgasm then next weekend or within 10 days or so…
…and then again monitor where your libido goes from there. If there's still no huge drop in lipido, you can probably slowly add them in more frequently, if you want to.
However, if you notice a big drop in libido and you go completely dead for several weeks, after you tried your first ejaculation, you probably need to go a bit longer before you start introducing them.
An interesting speculation…
Regarding people who fall back into a flatline when starting to orgasm again after a long reboot I have a personal theory.
First, I need to point out that it's really a mystery and no one really knows what's going on. Not even Gary Wilson knew, and so far I have heard no PMO veteran coming up with a good explanation.
And neither have I, so this is just me speculating…
Solomon's opponent process theory…
There is this interesting phenomenon in the addiction world.
It goes like this…
Sometimes if a sober alcoholic goes to a bar where he used to get drunk, but this time he stays sober, something interesting may happen.
Having been in the bar so many times while drinking, and then having a hangover the next day, is so paired in the brain that just spending a night at the bar WITHOUT drinking, automatically kicks in the bad feeling the next day, even if he didn't drink!
Now the bad feelings are the “B-process” in something called “Solomon's opponent process theory of emotions”
To learn what the opponent process theory is, take a look at this video I made a while back…
So, if you watched the video, here comes the interesting part…
If the “B-process” can kick in for a sober alcoholic just by going to the bar alone (without drinking), as he has been pairing the bar with feeling bad the next day for so long, then it would not be far fetched at all to think that, perhaps this is what's happening when you start orgasming again.
Since you have been paring orgasms and porn for so long, perhaps that could kick in the “B-process” when starting to be sexual with a real life partner after your reboot? Perhaps a part of your brain thinks porn was involved since there was an orgasm there?
And what if, with porn addicts, the “B-process” in this case is the flatline?
Wow, now that's something worth considering right there.
Now, this is just speculation and I am absolutely not saying that this is the way it is. But it is very interesting, to say the least.
IF this is the case, however, then you should know that for the sober alcoholic, the “B-process” will stop kicking in if he continues to go a few times to the bar without drinking. This is because the brain then stops pairing the bar with the bad feelings the day after.
Your brain will “un-pair” the two with time…
So if they are related, then that would also mean that for the former porn addict, the “B-process” / flatline would sooner or later stop kicking in if he continues to ejaculate with his girlfriend without porn being involved.
And here it would be because the brain then stops pairing the orgasm with the porn and the super drop in libido (aka. flaltine) that happens after massive porn use.
Whether the theory of the B-process is correct or not, the remedy for PIED remains the same; a complete removal of porn in combination with continued intimacy with real life people.
By the way, if you're interested in learning more about the “B-process” and how it works in addictions, the former drug addict and now neuroscientist “Judith Grisel” has written an excellent book where she mentions this phenomenon. (The opponent process theory of emotions and how it after years of addiction, later can kick in even if the drug wasn't involved).
The book is called Never Enough – The Neuroscience And Experience Of Addiction. You can click here to check pricing on Amazon. I recommend the audiobook version because when you sign up to Amazon Audible you'll get a 30 day free trial.
PIED Recovery With Girlfriend
Final Words
As long as you stay away from porn and keep spending time with real life people you will recover.
Some recover within just 6-8 weeks, while others need months, and sometimes more than a year to do so.
Everything in this blog post is written from things I have seen to be helpful again and again after having been involved in the rebooting community for many years now. It is based upon data from thousands of guys and what has worked best for them, including myself.
Except for the final part, the part about Solomon's opponent process theory.
I have heard no one else talk about that one related to PMO reboting, so that one is purely my own speculations and you should take it with a grain of salt. I'm merely thinking out loud on what might perhaps be going on with long term rebooters who tend to fall back into a flatline after orgasming…
…I can't even say I believe in it myself…
…but it is an interesting thought, for sure.
Thanks for reading!
-Scandinavian Bob-
P.S. Need my help? You can reach out to me here through my contact page right here.
Related post: Can soft-core porn also cause PIED?
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