NoFap – How To Stop Peeking
If you never peek, you never relapse.
Think about that for a while!
If you do not peek you also do not relapse, assuming “relapse” means fapping to adult sites, which most no PMO rebooters mean by using the word “relapse”.
After triggers and cravings, peeking is the first step in you acting out and relapsing, but how do we stop?
Well, sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while because in this article I'm going to share a few helpful tips on how to stop peeking while doing NoFap.
Tip #1 Come Up With A Personal “Phrase”
You Say To Yourself When Triggered
You should come up with a phrase that you can say to yourself whenever you feel tempted to peek or to relapse. This phrase should be personal and something unique to you.
It should be something that reminds you of why rebooting, or doing NoFap, is important to you.
I can share one of my surfing thoughts I used back when I was doing my own reboot, but again, you should come up with your own phrase that means something to you.
“Ahaa, there it is, the lie (the “lie” meaning urges), I'm not gonna fall for that, because who do I wanna be? A depressed ED loser or an even more grounded warrior?”
Now, these phrases may end up sounding pretty silly or even naive, but that's totally fine as long as it means something to you and as long as it reminds you of why you are rebooting in the first place.
The “lie” refers to the urges that are telling me how good it would feel to act out. But I knew that this is just dopamine trying to fool me and that the happiness is not to be found in a 5 hour porn binge. In fact, that will only make me miserable.
So, I wanted to constantly remind myself of that it really is a lie, and thus I wanted to include it in my personal phrase.
Then, in the second part of the phrase, I ask myself “Who do I want to be?”
…a depressed ED loser (Ed meaning erectile dysfunction) or a grounded warrior? (the “warrior” really meaning a secure and confident man who doesn't give up and keeps on fighting, who has integrity, courage and does what he sets out to do)
And I boiled down the man with all those good traits into the words “grounded warrior”, as it's important to not make the phrase to long, because in order to work, it must be short and effective.
The ED loser was obviously because I wanted to remind myself about how fapping to porn had made my erections very sluggish and weak.
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Make it about your identity…
It is especially effective if you play on your desired identity when creating your personal phrase because our self identity is the core driver of our behaviors and actions.
You see, the strongest force in human psychology is the need to stay consistent with how we define ourselves and me formulating it as “grounded warrior” described pretty well how I feel when riding on a good NoFap streak…
…like a grounded man with his self-esteem firmly standing on some kind of “core” manliness inside himself.
I wanted to include this in my personal phrase to remind myself of both who i want to be as well as of the good, manly feeling I get.
Awarenes of your triggers is important…
The “Ahaa”, that I used in the very beginning of the phrase was because it helped me become aware of when a trigger was trying to get me to act out. I found that if I always said “Ahaa” to myself when it happened, it trained my brain to detect those triggers much faster.
It is indeed very important to become super aware of triggers because they are what sets of “the autopilot”.
You know, the one that takes over when you relapse, makes you lose control over yourself and makes you feel like you are just along for the destructive ride.
Tip #2 Surf The Urges
Using Your Personal Phrase
Now that you have the personal phrase in place, you should start using that very phrase while you are surfing your urges.
Surfing the urges basically means…
- You do not try to push them away!
- You do not feed them or follow them!
- You allow yourself to feel them , just notice them. (Just observe them with curiosity)
While you do do these three pointers, you should keep repeating your personal phrase to yourself, over and over.
Take a look at this video where I tell you more about how surfing works and why it's super important that you learn to master it.
You should really watch the whole video to get a clear understaning of the concept, but here is a short summary of the whole concept.
- If you resist urges and you try pushing them away, they will return stronger than before you pushed them away.
(This is called “The ironic rebound effect and is a real psychological phenomenon”)
- It is in the surfing your freedom can be found.
- It's about noticing without judging.
Tip #3 Listen To The Book
“The Willpower Instinct”
I highly recommend you read, or listen to, “The willpower instinct”, by Kelly McGonigal.
It is hands down, THE best book on willpower and self discipline you can find out there.
It gives you the science behind how willpower works and in the end of each chapter it gives you tips on how you can implement what you just learned into your day to day life.
This book is a goldmine for anyone who wants to have self control during their NoFap journey and I highly, highly recommend it.
I recommend you click here to sign up to Audible (Amazon affiliate link) for a 30 day FREE trial.
That way you can listen to it without extra cost, and besides, having an Audible membership is a good thing to have, not just for this book, but because Audible is the biggest self-help library in the world.
Listening to high quality books on Audible will only make you grow as a person”
Tip #4 Cut Down On Aimless Browsing!!!
This is something every one who is serious about rebooting should be doing, especially in the beginning of his journey.
Yes, I really mean it…
…it is crucial!
Listen, we all know that the social media and your phone is a a minefield when it comes to triggers and if you have a habit of aimlessly browsing the web late at night, then you are doomed to relapse…
…sooner rather than later.
Studies have shown that you have much less willpower during the following circumstances…
- When you are tired
- When you are hungry
- When You feel lonely
- When you are irritated
…not only that, but research also show that your willpower is weakest in the evening and at night, since you have been using it the whole day (your willpower actually works like a muscle – it can be trained, but it gets tired after having used it).
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Go operation blackout…
The solution to this is simply to not use your phone or your computer for 2-3 hours before going to bed.
Sounds kind of harsh, but it is absolutely crucial for most guys who really want to stop peeking on NoFap and the world is not going to end if you don't check your notifications or your email for a couple of hours before bedtime. It will still be there, just as crazy as before, when you wake up in the morning.
Make your evenings a time of “mindfulness”, where you reflect back on the day, your future goals and charge your batteries. Turning of technology a couple of hours before you go to bed will also serve as a short “dopamine detox” and your brains dopamine system will improve…
…and so will your sleep quality.
Now, again, I'm not saying you can never use the internet as just pure entertainment with some aimless browsing here and there, but what I'm saying is that you should not do so during the last couple of hours of your day when you are tired because that really is a recipe for disaster.
Tip #5 Journal!
Sit down at the end of the day, with a paper and a pen, and write down a few lines about your rebooting…
What did you do good today, and what could you have done better?
It sound so simple, and it is, but I can not overstate how effective this is!
If you made a mistake during the day, it is literally like you are getting a “second chance” to program your brain correctly, if you sit down in the evening and write down what you SHOULD have done instead.
This will make your brain learn so much faster and it will also guide your brain and thus help keep it on track.
Journaling is good…
…just do it!
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How To Stop Peeking On NoFap
You might be wondering if peeking on NoFap is really that bad.
Well, you gotta ask yourself, do I want to get over the addiction or not?
While you may not cause harm to your reward system, int terms of downregulated dopamine receptors by peeking a little, you still have to realize that you are feeding your addiction by doing so, and of course, feeding the addiction is not what you want to be doing if you want to start living a no PMO lifestyle.
So, start implementing these tips and I'm sure you will reduce the NoFap peeking significantly.
Thanks for reading!
You may perhaps also be interested in reading the articles…
- NoFap and dopamine why guys who do NoFap win at life
- Why is NoFap so hard?
- NoFap and women attraction – Does NoFap make you more attractive?
- Does NoFap make you fearless?
- NoFap and lifting weights?
PS. Get my 90 Day No PMO advice and tool guide for FREE by clicking here.
P.P.S. Need help with relapses? Click here to see what kind of help I'm currently offering.