Be sure to also read the blog post as the video and the article complement each other. Further down in the article there are some helpful urge surfing examples that you need to see.
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NoFap And Urge Surfing
No matter what kind of behavior or addiction you are trying to break, you have got to master the art of urge surfing, because one thing is for sure…
…sooner or later, you WILL have urges.
In this article we are going to take a look at why urge surfing is so important, why you shouldn't resist the urges and then in the end of the article I will of course also give you a few helpful urge surfing examples.
Remember to both watch the video and read this article. They really complement each other and if you do both, you will stop relapsing…
Don't Fight The Urges – If You Do, You Will Fail!
Right from the start you need to know two things…
- When trying to quit something that used to give you a dopamine hit, you WILL get hit by urges.
- If you try to fight or resist the urges, you WILL fail.
If you try to push away the urges, or if you try to ignore them or resist them in some other way, you are setting yourself up for failure.
You see, while being a NoFap warrior and fighting the urges sounds cool and even quite heroic, it just doesn't work. This is not just my own observation, but real science is actually backing it up.
Why is this?
Enter: The ironic rebound effect
There is this psychological phenomenon called “the ironic rebound effect” and this means that whenever you try to push away a thought, OR a strong feeling, it will come back a few minutes later. But not only that…
…when it comes back, it will actually be stronger and more aggressive than it was the first time around.
Yes, there are serious studies done on this. It is a psychological fact and one that you need to be aware of in order to make the most out of your life.
So what do we do when we are hit by urges then?
Become aware of the urge – Then surf the urge!
If trying to resist the urge only makes it stronger, it's not that hard to figure out that if we keep doing that the inevitable relapse is right around the corner waiting for us…
…this means that we have to take another approach…
The solution in two steps
- Become aware of the urge
- Surf the urge
The first step, “become aware of the urge” sounds very obvious, but it needs to be pointed out and also practiced because at the very moment we are hit by a craving, the autopilot takes over and the sensitized porn pathways in your brain makes you react instead of act.
You have to realize that the “trigger” always precedes the relapse (marked as routine in the picture) and the trigger also starts your “autopilot”, making you search for porn, driven by your reptilian brain.
This may sound strange, but the autopilot takes over so much so that for some people it may actually take several months to master the art of becoming aware of when it starts to happen.
This is because, by definition “autopilot” means that the logic, thinking part of the brain, is not in control.
So, your first mission is to everyday be very mindful of your thoughts and feelings so you'll learn to notice exactly WHEN a craving is about to turn on the autopilot…
…this, awareness, put's a big crack in the whole relapse loop and once you have learned to become aware, you are already well on your way to master the art of never relapsing.
Action step: make a commitment to be mindful and alert. Observe your thoughts and feelings and notice when urges hit you!
From awareness to urge surfing…
Once you have become aware of your urges, when they hit and how they feel, your next step is to start surfing them.
Remember that becoming good at being aware is not that easy. It will not happen over night, you will gradually get better over a time-span of several months.
This is how you surf the urges on NoFap
As you remember, you should NOT resist or try to push away the urges…
…this means that you have to feel them!
- Don't try to distract yourself.
- Listen to the urge, take it all in and feel it with your whole body.
- Know that feeling urges does not mean that you have to follow them or obey them.
You should notice the urge and really try to ride on it and feel it. This is why it's called urge surfing.
A few examples…
At the very moment you get hit by a strong urge, here are a few examples on how to surf / think…
- “Ahh, there is that urge again. That's ok. No matter how strong it gets I will feel it and take it all in, but I will not follow it” (follow it means to act out and relapse)
- “Ahaa, there's that urge again. That's ok, I will not follow it”
- “Ahaa, urges. That's good because urges are just the addiction leaving my body”
- “Ahaa, urges! I love them because every time I'm choosing to not follow them, I'm growing stronger. That means that without urges, I would not be able to become strong“
- “Ahaa, urges! I will stay on my nofap path because I deserve a good life”
- “Ahaa, urges! Just try me. Show me what you got then!”
The Willpower instinct
One of the best books I have read in my entire life is “The willpower instinct” by Kelly McGonigal.
The reason I mention this is because this article is inspired by one of the chapters in that very book. In that book you can discover everything there is to know about…
- The ironic rebound effect
- How resisting urges always backfires
- How social anxiety can be overcome by “giving up” (again, twisting the ironic rebound effect in a smart way)
- How to stop relapsing
- How to overcome addictions
- How to develop superhuman self-control and willpower
If I could only recommend one single book on how to develop superhuman self-control, it would be this book.
I recommend you sign up for Audible, because that way you get a 30 day FREE trial and you get to listen to the book at home, in the gym, in the car or wherever you happen to be…
…just click here to sign up now, because that book will seriously change your life and Audible is the worlds leading online library with thousands of self-development books.
This is how I consume the books myself, and if you like the thought of growing stronger and improving your life, I highly recommend you sign up to Audible. Personally I listen to more than hundred books in a year and this is why I always have interesting things to share on my YouTube channel.
Urges Are Actually Good For You!
If you haven't watched the video at the top of the page, I urge you (hehe, see what I did there) to check it out as it has additional helpful tips.
The video will show you why urges actually are very good for you, and when you understand why that is, you will drastically reduce the number of your relapses or stop relapsing completely…
…seriously, watch the video. I get emails every week from people telling me how that very video helped them overcome their porn addiction once and for all.
Discover >>a good online course for quitting porn<< right now…
NoFap And Urge Surfing
I hope you found the article and video interesting and helpful. Remember now that it will take some time before you become mindful and really start to hone in on the awareness.
Just like with everything else worth achieving, it takes some effort, but once you master it, it will be SO worth it…
…especially considering that urge surfing can be applied on every single bad habit you want to break, and one thing is for sure…
…you will probably face lots of other bad habits further down your life's road.
P.S. Are you struggling? Click here to go to my contact page to discover what kind of help I’m currently offering.
F.A.Q's about NoFap Urges
Q: I always manage to push away my urges the first time they role around, but then I relapse later on that day. Any advice?
A: This is exactly because of the ironic rebound effect I talked about in this article. You should not push away the urges, because if you do, they will only return with more authority. In other words, you might be able to push them away, but they will boomerang back, and when they do, they are stronger than before you pushed them away. This is why we need to surf the NoFap urges…you need to feel them without following them.
Q: My urges are always worse in the afternoon and then I relapse 🙁
A: This may be due to low blood sugar, or perhaps you've been exposed to some trigger during the day OR just that the brains willpower gets weaker during the day. See if you can identify all the triggers. Are the ones that hit you in the afternoon the same as earlier that day? Also make sure to not eat foods that will cause sharp fluctuations in your blood sugar. If you still can't get over the evening relapses, consider cutting out your internet use after for example 6pm for a couple of months to get over the hump. I call it “operation blackout” and I talk more about it in the article 21 helpful tips for a pmo reboot. Also, read the article: Eating healthy on NoFap.
Q: I hate NoFap urges, how can I eliminate them?
A: You should not eliminate them. You should be aware of them and feel them. Ride on them like a surfer rides on a wave. Take a look at the video on the top of this page and you'll discover why urges on NoFap actually are good for you.
Related post: how to get rid of urges to watch porn